Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster and a duck? A: A Bird that gets up at the quack of dawn!
Q: How do you stop a charging rhinoceros? A: You take away his credit card!
Q: Where does a penguin keep his money? A: A snow bank!
Q: How did the cookie feel? A: Crummy!
Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7-8-9 ( seven ATE nine ).
Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? A: Because she had BRIGHT students!
Q: What was Beethoven's favorite fruit? A: Ba-na-na-na !
Tommy: Billy, what time are you going to the dentist? Billy: At 2:30 (tooth-hurty).
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk.
Q: Do you know why anteaters never get sick? A: They're full of anty-bodies.
Dr. Jones fell in the well and died without a moan. He should have tended to the sick and left the well alone.
TEACHER: What do you call a dog that has no legs? BRAINY BILLY: You don't call it anything, 'cause he couldn't come even if you did call him.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack. The first one said to the other," You stay here and I'll go on ahead. "
Q: What does the ocean say to the boat? A: Nothing. It just waves.
Q: What did the right shoe say to the left shoe? A: I think we must be sole mates.
Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? A: Ruff! ( rough! )
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No eye-deer ( no idea )
Did you hear about the dolphin who lost his best friend. He no longer had any porpoise in life.
An invisible man married an invisible woman. Their children weren't much to look at either.
Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.
Q: What do you do call a cow that doesn't have legs? A: Ground Beef.
Q: What did the chicken say when she got to the library? A: BOOK! BOOK! BOOK! BOOK! BOOK!
Q: Where do tough chickens come from? A: Hard boiled eggs.
A man walked into a bar, OUCH!
Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog? A: Toad.
Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? A: "Robin, get into the Batmobile!"
Q: Why does a flamingo lift only one leg? A: Because if it would raise both it will fall.
Q: What did the envelope say to the ROCK? A: You ROCK!
Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack? A: Only one, after that it's not empty.
Q: What's brown and STICKy? A: A STICK!
Q: What's a fly with no wings? A: A walk.
Did you see the breaking news about a disease the pope came down with? He had the bird flu, one of the cardinals gave it to him.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other, "Something tastes funny about this clown."
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A guy fell in a puddle. Wanna hear a clean joke? He bathed afterward.
Q: Why do seagulls live by the sea and not from the bay? A: Because if they lived by the bay the would be bagles. ( BAY-gles )
Q: Did you hear the one about the blind prostitute? A: You really have to hand it to her!
Q: What's the smartest dinosaur? A: A Thesaurus!
Q: What do cars do after staying up all night? A: They crash.
Did you hear the one about the three wells?... well, well, well....
Did you hear that Pepsi and Viagra are creating a new drink? It's going to be called "Mount AND Do".
Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Because their horns don't work.
Q: What's the difference between a piano and a fish? A: You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
Q: When is a door not a door? A: When it's a jar. ( ajar meaning that a door is open )
Q: What's pink and fluffy? A: A Pink Fluff. A nickel and a quarter are standing on a bridge, the nickel jumps off. Why didn't the quarter jump off? Because he had no more cents ( sense ).
Q: How do you get a witch to itch? A: Take away the W.
Q: What do you get when you cross a woman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: You put a little boogie in it!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't a chicken
Q: Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road? A: Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
Q: What kind of music does a smurf pissing on your lawn make? A: Bluegrass.
Q: Why was the mermaid wearing c shells A: Because the b shells were too small.
Q: Why couldn't the kid take the school-bus to school? A: He couldn't fit it through the door.
Q: Why was the picture sent to jail? A: Because he was framed
